Yeah...nice title, but it has meaning. I wrote to a friend that I am experiencing Deja Vu. I am making the same drive I made 12 years ago from my home in Toms River to Monmouth Medical Center in Long Branch. I have the same knot in my gut and the same sense of helplessness. The only difference is that 12 years ago someone was actively dying and this time someone is living, they just cannot come home until they get better which may take months or years.
The Deja Vu is disconcerting, yet inviting. Can I find that link to the past, that helped me get to where I am now? If I find that link can I use it again?
Was I that dumb and naive 12 years ago and lacking in life experience? Has life experience made me so sensitive that if yesterday happened today I would have handled it totally different? Is today's situation with Nick harder than Cindy's situation?
First my friends....Both "times" have been so well bathed in prayer. It is amazing to watch the answers unfold before my eyes. I have seen lesions lifted from my wifes brain so the last two weeks of her life she was clear as a crystal glass. I have also seen Nurses and Social Workers positioned directly as an answer to prayer not only for for the benefit of Nick and me, but for the benefit of themselves. (stories for another time)
Undeniably each of the drives up to the hospital link me to my past with Cindy. Not much has changed. I found myself listening to sermons from Robert Parkinson and very much exploring my own formation as a Christian and wanting more of his teaching. So I went back to Ocean Christian Community. I walked the grounds and admired my old church. The Parish house was open so I went in and was bold enough to go up to the office and open the door, and there was an old friend Carol Thorpe. New Secretary to me, Old Secretary to them. It was fun to see how much the church has changed and how much it has stayed the same. There is a little more involved in this story but I am happy to say...that Carol said I would be able to come in and make copies of Robert's old sermon's. This made me extremely happy.
You see. I am very aware that my past prepared me for my future. I know I am a work in progress surrounded by people, by men I consider great Theologians, that I am forming and that are forming me...but I want some more of that past teaching that was so valuable to me. I think the past linked with my present will result in wonderful things for the future.
I hope I can find what I am looking for...I am pretty sure I am well on my way. Even without the links to my past I know God would provide a way for me grow into my present situation.
Back to the Future
Just a note...my Beauty and the Beast series has just moved into a 5 part series. I better get it up soon or it will turn into 6.